The Chloe Diaries

I figured it was time to separate the twins, if not physically, than in this blog. After all, Chloe and Sophie are two separate little people, even if they often act like one big, cute headache.

Chloe in a Nutshell

Where do I start with this little drama queen? Chloe was titled Baby A in the womb, and boy does she live up to living in the spotlight, taking first place, and being in the lead. She was the first to be born and stole most of the nutrients and food from her sister – something she still does to this day – well before they were both ready to leave their cushy, submerged home. Because of Chloe’s food hoarding, Sophie did not grow as quickly as she needed to, which is why I was induced. Doctors suggested that they would both grow and thrive better beyond the uterine walls than having to compete for the food haul.

Fast forward to the days where Chloe was no longer a continuously pooping, crying, and sleeping infant and you’ve got a very determined baby who army crawled her way to more food, toys, and cuddles before she learned that her hands and knees were much better means to get around. She was the first to crawl (the legit way), first to walk, and first to protest to things she didn’t like.

Chloe may be hungry and headstrong, but she is also our little helper. Chloe helps by organizing our shoes in the correct order, getting us items we ask for (like a pair of socks), and picking up garbage off the floor, stating “Guh” (for garbage). She also loves to help tidy; putting books on the shelves, blocks in the buckets, and used diapers in the garbage. She does this not so much to help out her family, but because she knows that we’ll be impressed. Chloe is, and always will be, an entertainer.

Even at four months old, Chloe was making the hilarious faces and noises that she knew would get a reaction from us. She’s kicked it up a notch by learning to say funny phrases (like, “no, no” and “Whaaat?”), doing random dances (mostly just enthusiastic foot stomping without rhythm), and making even more bizarre faces (imagine a toddler’s version of a harsh face of disapproval), proceeding to wait for our reaction. If it’s a positive one, she’ll pocket this adorable action, adding it to her arsenal. We honestly love it, but this quality is also leading to a less favourable side of her. For example, if we spend time laughing with Sophie, Chloe’s green-eyed monster comes out, and she is FIERCE.

Jealousy is a major quirk in Chloe that we just can’t seem to tame. It’s so brutal that she’s learned to take preemptive action in certain situations where Sophie might get attention, or literally anything at all.

  • Handing them their pacifiers or sippy cups: Chloe grabs both of them, chooses the one she wants, and gives Sophie the “second choice”.
  • Food: Chloe will stuff as much into her mouth and hands and run away with the rest of it so Sophie can’t get any.
  • Playtime: to Chloe, they’re all her toys and she only shares if she feels like it, or if we make her.
  • Cuddles: Chloe will full-on wedge herself between Mama or Dada and Sophie and push Soph out of the way to ensure cuddles are strictly reserved for her.
  • Tickles: if Soph is being tickled, Chloe will NOT be happy.

Basically, Chloe rules the house. We often try to intercept her protests and “me, me, me” behaviour, but the tantrums that result are hardly worth it. And Soph doesn’t really mind.

Side note: if any parents have advice for navigating this twin dynamic, PLEASE let me know!

Other than Chloe’s need for attention and jealousy, she is also a little social butterfly. She’s not afraid to mingle with other kids or adults and is not timid around animals. Chloe LOVES any and all furry creatures. She’s a little cuddle bug herself, so anything fuzzy and warm she’s drawn to like a Chloe to a cheesy poof.

She takes her blanket with her from crib to table and from the couch to the bath. And concerning the pacifier, she’s definitely more attached to it than Soph. While Soph will happily hand it over when asked, Chloe will run away and whine.

The “terrible two’s” are strong with Chloe, but we know that she’s going to grow up to be a confident, fearless, opinionated, and loveable little girl once she outgrows what feels like is a decade-long phase.

Chloe – our little Chloworm – may be stubborn and temperamental, but she’s our one and only Chloe. When she’s not chucking water on the floor, tossing potatoes at the window, or stealing a stuffed animal or blanket right out of Sophie’s hands, she really is capable of lighting up our whole world with her smile, giggles, and sense of humour.

Next time, on The Chloe Diaries: “These Are a Few of Her Favourite Things”.

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From Marketing to Motherhood

Being a mom is a great part of my life. It’s new, fun, adventurous, but this beautiful job is not a career and it’s certainly not fulfilling my desire to succeed, nor does it make me feel accomplished.

To bring these thoughts out in the open may seem harsh or insensitive to sahm’s or women who dream of conceiving, but to me it’s something I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut about and fake the fullness that children are supposed to bring to my life.

When you become a mom, the world starts to believe that this was your sole purpose. Consider ‘Mom’ to be your only title from here on out. Everything else in your life – career, friends, alone time – is just part of a support system to aide in your primary mission of being the best mom you can be. You may go to work or do something for yourself, but society wants us to feel guilty about it.

I love my daughters, but there is a big part of me that misses my old working life. And no amount of nursery rhymes, baby milestones, or cooking meals for my children will ever replace that.

In the last few months, I have been earning a living through freelance writing. It keeps the food on their high chairs and the shoes on their feet, but it’s not enough. For me, anyways.

Since early spring, I’ve been taking my time to apply to places that are looking for my professional background, experience, and education. I have no problem making it through to the interview phase, and yet the opportunities continue to go nowhere.

I am not ashamed of being a mom and so it will inevitably come up when I start discussing my life and current work. I don’t let the fact that I have children affect what I do. I have help and time and the ability to continue on with my career. Although, I can’t help but think that being a mother is a factor when potential employers are sifting through would-be hires.

Before I had babies, finding work was never an issue. I’m driven, experienced, and can give a good interview. But now it is a struggle.

The only thing that’s changed is the fact that I’m a mother.

Even the opportunities I do get are directed at women who are home with the kids; writing for baby websites and baby products.

I’ll say it again. I’m not ashamed of my children, but it makes me wonder if it’s even worth mentioning during the interview process.

I am capable of much more than being a mom. I pursued a life in marketing and paid good money for that dream to become a reality. The student debt still hangs over me and will be there for a long time. I owe it to my education and life to succeed in the field I am good at.

But it’s not about the money. Our bills are paid and we live comfortably.

It’s about the career. It’s about the passion and the work and the sense of accomplishment. It’s about the company culture and deadlines and clients. It’s about the stress and job well done. It’s about so much more than a salary.

It’s about being fulfilled as a person, and not as a mom.

Employers. Please don’t pigeonhole me for being fertile.

In fact, don’t discriminate against any hardworking, career-oriented mothers. Women are great at multitasking and we’re more than capable of juggling a career and children. Give us a shot. I’m sure we’ll all surprise you.

On a lighter note, this has opened up a new opportunity for me, one that is directed at giving up on finding employment and taking the reigns to create it. That’s right.

I am (slowly) looking to start my own business in providing content marketing services.

It may sound exciting and admirable, but the truth is that I’m terrified to take that step. To sacrifice security and comfort and to attempt something that could fail is something I have to constantly convince myself of being the right decision.

It’s a thought that I have abandoned and resurrected about a hundred times.

All that to say, sometimes us hardworking moms just need to create our own opportunities, and many already have.

To those who don’t let motherhood define them, you’re a rock star. Email me and let me know how you managed to take that next step for you and your family.